my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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