I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
