maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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