Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
