4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
