I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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