So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
