I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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