I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
