It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
