I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
