So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
