her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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