i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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