the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
