I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
