my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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