when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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