Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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