R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
