You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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