Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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