you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize