All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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