I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
