trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
