garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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