I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
