i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
