i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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