I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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