Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
