My brain says no but my pants say off.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize