I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
