i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
