8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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