i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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