I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
