They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
