I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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