i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
