If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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