Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

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  (310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/cawx
  Replies (3) Good night (1557) Bad night (623)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.

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  (513): I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence. http://tfl.nu/wy8q
  Replies (14) Good night (2818) Bad night (1006)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4389) Bad night (1300)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one

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  (812): ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one http://tfl.nu/2d1e
  Replies (16) Good night (1004) Bad night (4357)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

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  (320): It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college? http://tfl.nu/c66r
  Replies (8) Good night (1758) Bad night (721)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (2035) Bad night (608)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.

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  (601): Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers. http://tfl.nu/38v9
  Replies (9) Good night (1736) Bad night (631)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?

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  (772): How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/kmhe
  Replies (7) Good night (1247) Bad night (587)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me

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  (413): Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me http://tfl.nu/3euu
  Replies (7) Good night (621) Bad night (1130)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

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  (402): What drugs are we doing when you visit? (1-402): The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles. http://tfl.nu/97ps
  Replies (3) Good night (1177) Bad night (434)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.

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  (936): Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/7tz2
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (419)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here

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  (914): Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here http://tfl.nu/yns8
  Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (709)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not

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  (406): Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not http://tfl.nu/qjke
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (375)
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  (707): View more from California

  It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"

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  (707): It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it" http://tfl.nu/h7h1
  Replies (2) Good night (511) Bad night (431)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.

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  (248): Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please. http://tfl.nu/8oes
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (490)

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