Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us

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  (508): well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us http://tfl.nu/w698
  Replies (32) Good night (939) Bad night (7580)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

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  (716): Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it. http://tfl.nu/yc12
  Replies (22) Good night (2568) Bad night (1838)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (8067) Bad night (819)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them

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  (314): my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them http://tfl.nu/57b7
  Replies (7) Good night (3408) Bad night (1171)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.

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  (616): those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them. http://tfl.nu/w7ab
  Replies (11) Good night (5368) Bad night (984)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

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  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5687) Bad night (1040)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.

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  (248): Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her. http://tfl.nu/h3i8
  Replies (8) Good night (2571) Bad night (952)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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  (304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6
  Replies (8) Good night (3233) Bad night (1309)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

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  (305): I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn http://tfl.nu/ufam
  Replies (25) Good night (4451) Bad night (1161)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance

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  (207): i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance http://tfl.nu/4kjn
  Replies (3) Good night (3609) Bad night (715)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.

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  (603): he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained. http://tfl.nu/iy0m
  Replies (11) Good night (1801) Bad night (1229)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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  (386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl
  Replies (1) Good night (1347) Bad night (1216)
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  (631): View more from New York

  We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.

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  (631): We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata. http://tfl.nu/hydj
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (1304)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?

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  (406): Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver? http://tfl.nu/hdgc
  Replies (6) Good night (508) Bad night (2089)
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  (562): View more from California

  Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.

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  (562): Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works. http://tfl.nu/5yc6
  Replies (3) Good night (216) Bad night (528)

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