he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.