y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out