the new term for farting is butt boxing.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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