all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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