Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
