Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
