meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
