my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
