slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
