I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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