69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish you could order shots online.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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