so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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