What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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