dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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