margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
