we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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