its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
