real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
