dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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