Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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