Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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