Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
