he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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