Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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