Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
