My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
