I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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