she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
