I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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