party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
