So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
