put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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