I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
